It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize