I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
