I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
