We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
