yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
