I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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