..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
