We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
