Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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