I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
