I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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