Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
