found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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