how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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