Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I did not marry a roomba.
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