They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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