yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
