is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
