My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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