are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
