New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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