I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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