of course. lets lasso hookers.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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