he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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