like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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