My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
