I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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