i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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