woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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