margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
