Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
