i don't like sucking hair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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