Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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