So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
