I want to walk on stilts...naked
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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