Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
