why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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