ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
