i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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