and you said cock pushups were impossible
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
