we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm getting married
To pizza
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
