He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
