I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
