His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
