Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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