I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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