For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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