i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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