put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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