And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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