I think my fart just growled at me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize