??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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