ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm at about main and main street
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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