the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
