bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
