so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
