ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
