I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
