Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize