Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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