Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
