I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
