I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize