Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
