This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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