Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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