Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
