Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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