i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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