i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
