i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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