I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
